In Memory of Charles F. Dibbert II, Class of 1977
Posted on Oct. 26, 1983The following is an excerpted version of remarks made by the author at a memorial service in Fayetteville for his brother Charles F. Dibbert II ’77, who died three years ago this month. It appears in lieu of the author’s regular column “From the Director.”
By the measures of what we all should cherish most in life — love and friendship, sensitivity and compassion, a sense of humor, the ability to share — to give to a friend or even a stranger in need — by all of these standards and more — my brother Charlie clearly measured up.
Charlie enveloped a room with laughter and cheer — particularly after a University of North Carolina Tar Heel football or basketball victory. For Charlie a simple greeting of “hello” to a friend would not do. He had to give us a sometimes not too gentle slap on the shoulder — or if both his hands were free — an uplifting bear hug.
Tradition was important to Charlie. And a winning tradition for UNC basketball and football was particularly important. “C.D. Superstar,” as he often referred to himself, recently attended a UNC alumni gathering here in Fayetteville. He proudly boasted that he got Dean Smith’s autograph and that he gave Coach Smith a little advice on how to assure another winning season for the Heels!
My brother should not be enhanced in death beyond that which he was in life. He was a good and honorable man — who experienced pain but fought bravely to overcome it, who loved people but sometimes had difficulty communicating his love, who gave generously to others even when he needed more desperately to receive.
As we remember Charlie, not just tonight but into the future, each of us will be inclined to reflect on how we could have directed Charlie down a more joyful road. Each of us can think of ways we could have done more, given more, listened more, listened more carefully or cared more. Those troubling thoughts, as unavoidable as they are, cannot change today’s reality. We will all, by God’s grace, be with Charlie again, but it will not be in this world. However, one way we can remember Charlie — one way that I believe he would like us to remember him — is to listen more, to listen more carefully to the unspoken voices of our friends and our family, to reach out even when that may be inconvenient or difficult, to speak even to those to whom maybe we are not speaking, to give — to care — and to appreciate the beauty but also the brevity of life. Fifteen years ago, many of you joined my family and me in our sorrow after the tragic death of my father. (Lt. Col. Bernard W. Dibbert died in ambush on a mission in Vietnam in 1965.) I received an unsigned letter that closed with these words: ” Fear not that life shall come to an end — rather fear that it should never have a beginning.”
We can all contribute to the true beginning of life in many ways. Let us do so, because we must — for ourselves, for our friends and in memory of Charlie.
Finally, I would like to share with you a story that may help each of us as we struggle to get through the difficult days, weeks and months ahead. It is the story of a man who has died and gone to Heaven and is having a conversation with the Lord.
“Lord, I have to tell you that as I look back over my life, I can see a constant path of two sets of footprints on the beach. You were always by my side to guide and to comfort me. Every now and then, my footprints strayed off the main path — a bit to the left or a bit to the right — but your footprints stayed with mine. Your support and presence guided me through all the years of my life.
“But there is one thing, Lord, that really troubles me. The times I needed you the most. The darkest periods of my life, when I was at my lowest points, there was only one set of footprints along the beach. Lord, how could you leave me alone when I was most in need of your support and guidance?”
And the Lord replied, “The times you saw only one set of footprints along the beach, the times you were suffering the most, the times you needed me most, these were the times I reached down, lifted you up and carried you. ”
Yours at Carolina,
Douglas S. Dibbert ’70
There are now three Charles F. Dibbert II Memorial Fund Scholarship Award winners attending the University. Financed by the earnings from an endowment established by Charlie’s friends and family, this award goes to a graduating senior at Reid Ross School in Fayetteville who will attend Carolina with the intention of pursuing a career of public service who while at Ross most exemplified those personal characteristics of Charlie Dibbert.
