Attending to the Future
Posted on March 14, 1997After I tucked him into bed, Michael turned to me and said, “Daddy, what is it going to be like when I am living in a dorm at Carolina?” Startled by such a question from a 4-year-old, I said, “Michael, there are a lot of really great schools, and you might go to one of those.” Since he was 4 and not 14, he accepted my answer.
My wife, Debbie, is director of development, alumni relations and public relations at Durham Academy, where both Michael and Brian attend. Debbie and I sometimes compare notes about alumni seeking advice on admissions. Debbie believes a book could be written about reasons for where a youngster chooses to apply or to attend. Many of the most honest answers are amusing.
For instance, “I like their school colors.” “I like their mascot.” ” It was a pretty day when I took the campus tour.” “All of my friends are going there.” “They have a great football team” or “a terrific basketball team.” “I am going where my girlfriend goes.”
At Christmas this year I bought Michael, now a high school sophomore, several books that should help him determine what campuses to visit and where to apply. I also wrote him a note (he would say it was a long letter) in which I told him that we wanted to help him through but not guide the process. I reminded him that my Dad was killed before I seriously began thinking about college, and I confessed that I only applied to two.
No, I did not tell Michael that I really did not know how wise my decision to come to Carolina was because, at 17, I had no idea that UNC was as superb an institution or as special a place. I closed by telling him that his mother and I respected that this was his decision.
Debbie and I continue to encounter parents who don’t understand how their attitude can and does shape their child’s enthusiasm for their own choice. Too many parents wanting only the best for
their child invest so much energy in the application and admissions process that one wonders if it is the parent who is applying all over again. Knowing that not all alumni children can be admitted to Carolina, it is troubling that too often parents don’t see that if they want what is best for their child, they should help their child understand that there are a number of schools that can provide them an excellent educational opportunity, not just one.
You may recall my sad story of the young lady who, upon being denied acceptance, wrote our admissions office and volunteered that she would never see the special gleam in her father’s eyes that
her older sister received when she was admitted to her father’s alma mater. Sometimes I receive letters from disappointed alumni who indicate that, since their child was denied, they are canceling their Carolina Alumni membership and will never support Carolina again. Usually I suggest to these individuals that, while 1 understand their disappointment, I hope they realize how unfortunate it would be if their child’s disappointment were deepened by their own reaction. Clearly, youngsters know when their parents have passionate feelings for Carolina. By distancing one’s self from Carolina because a child was denied could make the child feel responsible for having taken away the enthusiasm the parent had for Carolina.
Debbie and I have no idea where either Michael or Brian will choose to apply. We will try to understand their concerns and to help them find answers to their questions. We will take comfort in knowing that despite polls that suggest otherwise, the United States’ system of higher education is the envy of the world because of our large number of richly diverse and superb colleges and universities.
So, Michael, I don’t know what life for you will be like in your college dorm. We will anxiously await your first-hand reports, knowing that whatever your choice, you have assured us that you are forever a Tar Heel fan.
Yours at Carolina,
Douglas S. Dibbert ’70
